RECENT WORKS BY SOMEONE IN THEIR OWN PRISON

we remember

with each passing year, a new generation starts to make their mark on society. it is how it goes, and how it has been happening for years, hundreds, thousands - it is life. keeping track of that unsurmountable evidence is nearly impossible. because with each passing eneration, accounts are lost, stories of stuggle, of triumph, of personal journeys are buried in the ground, along with their holder. there are events in life that this cannot happen to. there are instances in human evolution and history that we must hang on to. we learn from the past, and the past has taught us vaulable lessons. the genreations being created today need to remember those lessons. history is a falud charecatar, we tend to laugh it off, and don't want to take is serisouly, but history does not lie. human astocities, conducted on humans, by other humans is something that history highlights well, but the difference between highlighting, and connecting is what is key. we can read until there is not literature left, we can study until facts are memorized, but what does that mean? nothing. we need to take that information and put it in comparison, and in context to our lives. without this, we will walk down those same paths. history is being recorded at an ever growing pace, and soon mundane daily occurances will be documented for generation to come, but will they learn from our mistakes? have we leanred from our ancestors mistake? how far can we go back an rationalize what has happened to human kind as a whole? 10 years, 50 years? 200 years? anything the happened before our time is not likly to be understood by us because we cannot humanly imagine it. but we need to, we need to take that knowledge and somehow connect it to us. there are not words for events the magintude of the holcaust, there are not words to describe the horror, we have pictures, we have the data, but how can we imagine it? how can the people that were alive but were not a part of it imagine it? it is not possible. but we have to take that data, and the personal accounts and create it in our heads. what if... what if that were to happen, what if someone began systematically killing off people, because they did not like. we say, not it is not possible, because we live in america. think again. why is it so hard for us to connect with the past. it is the events of the past that will dictate what happens in the future. we must learn from the past, to avoid what we do in the future. we do this on a daily level, but we rarely tend to put ourselves in that tough position, put yourself there, what would you have done when that can of Zyclone B dropped from the ceiling? what would you have done as you stood by you father as an office shot him in the head? what would you have done when your grandma was dragged off to the gas chamber? what would you have done when your sister was raped by ss troops, and then tortured, and finally put out of her misery when she was killed? that is where we need to be, we need to put ourselves in that postiion. we need to break out of our illusions of grandeur that we have conjered in our head. we are not above reliving history, we are not above being systematically murdered. we are not above ourselves.

hey, let us all move here!



Scottish schools will be adding gay sex ed to their health curricula. The Scotland on Sunday newspaper reports that the nation’s current sex-education guidelines will be expanded because they are "heterosexist." Lessons will reportedly include safe sex, where to get peer counseling, and same-sex relationships.

The move is the first major overhaul of sex education in Scotland since repeal of a Thatcher-era law that banned any discussion of homosexuality in schools throughout the UK. The paper reports that the government worked out the curriculum with the help of LGBT health and civil-rights groups. Teachers will then be instructed on how to teach the subject.

The paper said that the government hopes to have the program in place for the start of the next school year, which begins in August. (Sirius OutQ News)

It had once been popular theory that we should hold members of a minority to conditions that forced them to work long hours in cotton fields, with little or no food, no proper sleeping facilites, or rights. We now know that this was a gross mis judgement of human character, and something that is a dark shadow over american history. I just would like to know WHERE people get the idea that they have the right to tell other people how to live their lives. WHERE does that sort of audacity come from? Certainly NOT from the minds of people who want human society to progress, not falter and cease to treat other individuals with care and conern that they deserve. The idealogies that people must hold to even want to THINK about passing something like this, is not something that I want to partake in. This is not just a gay/lesbian issue...If people can tell me who I can or cannot marry, what makes you think that is where they will stop? Who konws. The divorce rate is 44% in this country, and we have committed gay nd lesbian people who have been together for 10, 15, 20 + years that cannot bask in the joy of marriage, or even civil unions for that matter. I am not saying that this is a religious issue. I am nottalking abou marriage in a religous sense, I am talking about the basic human right, and need to marry (ie join lives) with the person you love.
All I can hope is for the right-wing coservative christian, family first, mumbo jumbo shit to die out. Here they are talking about families first, and it will erode family values, have they stopped to think, that this is what they are already doing? They talk about gay and lesbian people like they are human anomolies, like we just sprang up out of theground, with no family behind us. They are tearing our families apart. They are grossly misguided about what there ideaologies are.
When will this end? Never, all I can wonder is....where is our Abraham Linclon when we need him? Because it is certainly NOT George W Bush, or most members of the republican party.




A Senate committee approved a constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage Thursday, after a shouting match that ended when one Democrat strode out and the Republican chairman bid him "good riddance."

"I don't need to be lectured by you. You are no more a protector of the Constitution than am I," Judiciary Committee Chairman Arlen Specter, R-Pennsylvania, shouted after Sen. Russ Feingold declared his opposition to the amendment, his affinity for the Constitution and his intention to leave the meeting.

"If you want to leave, good riddance," Specter finished.

"I've enjoyed your lecture, too, Mr. Chairman," replied Feingold, D-Wisconsin, who is considering a run for president in 2008. "See ya."

Amid increasing partisan tension over President Bush's judicial nominees and domestic wiretapping, the panel voted along party lines to send the constitutional amendment -- which would prohibit states from recognizing same-sex marriages -- to the full Senate, where it stands little chance of passing.

Democrats complained that bringing up the amendment is a purely political move designed to appeal to the GOP's conservative base in this year of midterm elections. Under the domed ceiling of the ornate and historic President's Room off the Senate floor, senators voted 10-8 to send the measure forward.

Among Feingold's objections was Specter's decision to hold the vote in the President's Room, where access by the general public is restricted, instead of in the panel's usual home in the Dirksen Senate Office Building.

Specter later said he would have been willing to hold the session in the usual room had he thought doing so would change votes.

Not all those who voted "yes" support the amendment, however. Specter said he is "totally opposed" to it, but felt it deserved a debate in the Senate.

"Marriage in the United States shall consist only of the union of a man and a woman," reads the measure, which would require approval by two-thirds of Congress and three-fourths of the states.

"Neither this Constitution, nor the constitution of any State, shall be construed to require that marriage or the legal incidents thereof be conferred upon any union other than the union of a man and a woman," it says.

Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist has scheduled a vote on the proposed amendment the week of June 5.
Cultural debate

The issue has ignited a cultural and political debate over what constitutes marriage and the legal rights of gay partners.

Earlier this week, Georgia announced it will appeal a judge's ruling that struck down its voter-approved ban on gay marriage. Gov. Sonny Perdue said he will call a special legislative session if the state Supreme Court doesn't rule on the issue soon.

The Georgia constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage was approved by 76 percent of the state's voters in November 2004. On Tuesday, however, Fulton County Superior Court Judge Constance C. Russell ruled the measure violated the Georgia constitution's single-subject rules for ballot questions.

The issue has been on the political radar across the nation for more than two years.

On Election Day in 2004, a presidential year, initiatives on gay marriage and civil unions were on the ballot in 11 states, driven in part by opposition to the Massachusetts state Supreme Judicial Court's recognition of same-sex marriage and Republican calculations that the issue would send conservative voters to the polls.

Two states -- Louisiana and Missouri -- had approved bans earlier in the year.

i don't know, maybe he got some in the white house. and maybe lied about it, but it has not fucked up like our current pres.

A poll was done by Opinion Research Corp. asking who American's feel did a better job as President, Dubya or Clinton. The poll asked on a number of different issues, and Clinton won in every single one. Some by margins bigger than 2:1. Check it out:

http://www.cnn.com/2006/POLITICS/05/12/b...

Results on who people voted did a better job on these issues (Margin of Error +/- 3%):

ECONOMY
Clinton - 63%
Bush - 26%

SOLVING PROBLEMS OF ORDINARY AMERICANS
Clinton - 62%
Bush - 25%

FOREIGN AFFAIRS
Clinton - 56%
Bush - 32%

TAXES
Clinton - 51%
Bush - 35%

NATURAL DISASTERS
Clinton - 51%
Bush - 30%

WHO HAS DONE MORE TO DIVIDE THE COUNTRY
Bush - 59% (he's a uniter, isn't he?)
Clinton - 27%

MORE HONEST
Clinton - 46%
Bush - 41%

HANDLING NAT. SECURITY
Clinton - 46%
Bush - 42%

WLesbians' brains react differently to sex hormones than those of heterosexual women, new research indicates.

That's in line with an earlier study that had indicated gay men's brain responses were different from straight men -- though the difference for men was more pronounced than has now been found in women.

Lesbians' brains reacted somewhat, though not completely, like those of heterosexual men, a team of Swedish researchers said in Tuesday's edition of Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.

A year ago, the same group reported findings for gay men that showed their brain response to hormones was similar to that of heterosexual women.

In both cases the findings add weight to the idea that homosexuality has a physical basis and is not learned behavior.

"It shows sexual orientation may very well have a different basis between men and women ... this is not just a mirror image situation," said Sandra Witelson, an expert on brain anatomy and sexual orientation at the Michael G. DeGroote School of Medicine at McMaster University in Hamilton, Ontario.

"The important thing is to be open to the likely situation that there are biological factors that contribute to sexual orientation," added Witelson, who was not part of the research team.

The research team led by Ivanka Savic at the Stockholm Brain Institute had volunteers sniff chemicals derived from male and female sex hormones. These chemicals are thought to be pheromones -- molecules known to trigger responses such as defense and sex in many animals.

Whether humans respond to pheromones has been debated, although in 2000 American researchers reported finding a gene that they believe directs a human pheromone receptor in the nose.

The same team reported last year on a comparison of the response of male homosexuals to heterosexual men and women. They found that the brains of gay men reacted more like those of women than of straight men.

The new study shows a similar, but weaker, relationship between the response of lesbians and straight men.

Heterosexual women found the male and female pheromones about equally pleasant, while straight men and lesbians liked the female pheromone more than the male one. Men and lesbians also found the male hormone more irritating than the female one, while straight women were more likely to be irritated by the female hormone than the male one.

All three groups rated the male hormone more familiar than the female one. Straight women found both hormones about equal in intensity, while lesbians and straight men found the male hormone more intense than the female one.

The brains of all three groups were scanned when sniffing male and female hormones and a set of four ordinary odors. Ordinary odors were processed in the brain circuits associated with smell in all the volunteers.

In heterosexual males the male hormone was processed in the scent area but the female hormone was processed in the hypothalamus, which is related to sexual stimulation. In straight women the sexual area of the brain responded to the male hormone while the female hormone was perceived by the scent area.

In lesbians, both male and female hormones were processed the same, in the basic odor processing circuits, Savic and her team reported.

Each of the three groups of subjects included 12 healthy, unmedicated, right-handed and HIV-negative individuals.

The research was funded by the Swedish Medical Research Council, Karolinska Institute and the Wallenberg Foundation.

i was reading about this david blane crap, you know he sat in water for a week, for what reason, who knows. and i began to wonder. why do we, we being all people who was not in that aqaurium, want, or care about what he does? people gathered and watched as he did nothing but sit there and talk through a helmet to people outside.. what the hell, one must ask. we as a culture allow this to happen, and that is scary. who cares if somone want to submurge themselves in water filled container. how much money did he get to do this? this is obsurd. but, i am also guilty of reading about what he was doing. perhaps it would be a better story if he would have died, not saying that i wanted him to, but it would have been more interesting.
this was a rant, but i was angry, and i am sitting in class, and should be taking notes, but am not

you reach a point, and then the edge is suddenly there, and you do not know how it got there. you are back to square one, but not really, becuause there is no reason for you to be.

i had a great night. went out and drank wine, beer, etc etc. talked about wrestlers, that was fun. laughed about drag queens [just the old one around here] talked about not ever going to kings and queens in waterloo, because the guys that go there are old, and are trailer trash, yucky, me no wanty old men.. ewww..

yeah, so thats about it, busy weekend, the family wants me to go back home for easter this weekend, fuck that, i do not want to clebrate easter. i have given up on religion, and most of my family, not my parents and siblings, but mst of the rest. my time is not something i wish to give them, and they do not need to know why.

tata for now....

what a waste of a day...i worked all morning, then took a nap, then watched the oscars, which were not bad, i wish felicity huffman would have won, but what the hell ever, and now am getting things ready for the student art show, i did not go to ceramics, and joann is going to slaughter me, oh well.
ahhhhhhhhhhh...one week, and then i can mingle in chicago...yay!!

i have not done much today. i had the day off, and am supposed to go to some friends' b-day parties tonight. i ran to hobby lobby twice, to get glass and mat board and other things to enter things into the student show.
fun times, i have to work tomorrow, and then am going to watch the oscars, see what brokeback, capote, and transamerica can do. it will be interesting.
not much else is new. cannot wait for spring break, chicago here i come, art here i come, bars here i come...lol

i can wait forever. ah, i have posted some shit lately. but not updated. things, well. things are things, the semester is going better this time around, i think. i dropped a class, and am no longer taking 18 hours. i could have done it, but not with doing v-day. by which, has changed me more than i thought. i got into to do their posters and stuff, but now i am more interested in what it actaully stands for. i did a speech about rape in my oral comm class, and i must say, that it went qutie well. one of my peers wrote on thier response that it was great to hear a guy talk about rape. what??!! of course, guys do not talk about rape, they do it! i mean, yes, men can get raped, even by a women, but for the most part this is a minute part of the rape crime. we need to talk more about it, A LOT MORE ABOUT IT.
enough for now about that. i have a busy two months coming up, but it is going to be a lot of fun. i am entering the student art show, i think that i will have 2 or 3 peieces. even a graphic design piece. then i am doing a art scholarship, and then appyling for a BFA!! holy fuck, lots of art.
i am going to chicago for spring break, going to art places, and of course going to lincoln park area, why would i not:) i am just afraid that i will not want to come back to shit hole iowa after getting out again. well, i did after being in russia / europe for 2 months, so i guess i can this time as well.
not much else is going on. i have not seen my niece since x-mas, and it is drivinig me nuts, but there is a dichotmoy there with family, which i am not going to get invloved with, and it will be ok i think.
oh, and amen for understanding parents, serisouly. but i wonder how much is understanding, and how much is hidden. oh well.

peace in the southeast

we would stay and respond and expand and include and allow and forgive and
enjoy and evolve and discern and inquire and accept and admit and divulge and
open and reach out and speak up

we would share and listen and support and welcome be propelled by passion not
invest in outcomes we would breathe and be charmed and amused by difference
be gentle and make room for every emotion

we'd provide forums we'd all speak out we'd all be heard we'd all feel seen

things ahve been, well, ineteresting lately. took a stepf off of mt everst and landed on my feet, never thought that would happen. may onebe the goal of their owns lifes work. the goal which you want to attin is in your reach.
school is in FULL swing, and i have tons of shit to do, so that sucks, and i do not understand math at all, it is fucking confusing
.who cares where we go on this rugged old road in a world that may say that we are wrong....

thats all for now, more later.

no more..

click......

i dream of vanishing into the crowd.












it only hurts when i breathe

when do we begin? i do not think it is when we are born. there is no way that it can be. we must only live when we know we are going to die, that is the only possible way, or perhaps it is when we are dead and we are looking back at our psuedo interesting life. does anyone truly lead an interesting life? does anyone lead a true life? what consitutes a true life? who decides what this is for us? we can't because we just can't, but what makes other people think that they can? i dont think it is possible. maybe this is just all thoughts glazed over by a fucked up person, that could be the truth of it all....yes, i think so................

a complex array of mispaced identities is what makes up
the populous, that is just out to get here or there
without regard to what or whomever they convert or
covert or whatever seems to be the misguided intention
clouded with a film of chronic beliefs against whomever.

rot people, rot rot rot rot

did i sleep with sarah goldfarb? i don't know, but i sure feel like i have some of her in me. a lot of her in me. i check the mailbox and everythime that i open it up and close it fast because there is nothing in there, i think, whoa, watch it sarah. no i have to admit that i do not dance around my living room screaming juice, but i do feel like her, a bit to much. perhaps one of these days i will try to fit into a red dress, the one that seymour loved so much.

my final painting for my painting class...it is large. 4' x 4' i am taking bids, not really, but i am poor, so whatever..

but i know that i gotta take a nolbe path because i dont want you to question the intentions that i have...among other things. i have discovered a new love in music, levi kreis, but alas, as these things do change quite frequently, i feel that this one may be around for a bit of time.

classes started, and i was not excited, but know i think that i am. i konw that i have a while left in this place, but all is well i think.

i should go.

russians a re fun to be around, a new refershing change from the monotany that can be cedar falls.

connecting on a new, deeper level with friends that have been around for awhile, and discarding the ones that are unhealthy is a good thing. they have stolen my thunder. this makes it seem like i am throwing away old groceries or something of the sort, but not talking or communication with people that are unhealthy toward your situation are a good thing. and starting new ones keep you young. as much as i think that i am still that same old persont that left elkader 2 1/2 years ago, i am not, and today, emphasizes that.

enough, is enough, and not enough is certainly to much. be sure to know when to end it.

cheers.